{
  "$schema": "https://unpkg.com/@pyxl/schema/set.schema.json",
  "name": "US Set",
  "id": "cah-us",
  "author": "Cards Against Humanity LLC",
  "license": "CC-BY-NC-SA-2.0",
  "calls": [
    {
      "text": "How did I lose my virginity?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Why can't I sleep at night?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What's that smell?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "I got 99 problems but _$ ain't one.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What's the next Happy Meal® Toy?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Here is the church\nHere is the steeple\nOpen the doors\nAnd there is _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Today on Maury\n\"Help! My son is __!\"",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Alternative medicine is now embracing the the curative powers of _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "And the Academy Award for _$ goes to _$.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "What's that sound?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What ended my last relationship?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "I drink to forget _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "I'm sorry Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What is Batman's guilty pleasure?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "This is the way the world ends\nThis is the way the world ends\nNot with a bang but with _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What is a girl's best friend?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "TSA guidelines now prohibit _$ on airplanes.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "_$. That's how I want to die.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "For my next trick, I will pull _$ out of _$.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with _$ for the first time.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "_$ is a slippery slope that leads to _$.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "I get by with a little help from _$.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "Dear Abby\n\nI'm having som trouble with _$ and would like you're advice.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What's the most emo?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "In 1,000 years, when paper money is a distant memory, how will we pay for goods and services?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Introducing the amazing superhero/sidekick duo! It's _$ and _$!",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "In M. Night Shyamalan's new movie, Bruce Willis discovers that _$ had really been _$ all along.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "_$. Betcha can't have just one!",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "White people like _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "_$. High five, bro.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Introducing Xtreme Baseball! It's like baseball, but with _$!",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "In a world ravaged by _$, our only solace is _$.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "War!\n\nWhat is it good for?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "During sex, I like to think about _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What are my parents hiding from me?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What will always get you laid?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "In L.A. County Jail, word is you can trade 200 cigarettes for _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What did I bring back from Mexico?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What don't you want to find in your Kung Pao chicken?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "How am I maintaining my relationship status?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "_$. It's a trap!",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Coming to Broadway this season, _$: The Musical.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "After the earthquake, Sean Penn brought _$ to the people of Haiti.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Next on ESPN2, the World Series of _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Step 1: _$.\nStep 2: _$\nStep 3: Profit.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "They said we were crazy. They said we couldn't put _$ inside of _$. They were wrong.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What gives me uncontrollable gas?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "They new Chevy Tahoe. With the power and space to take _$ everywhere you go.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "The class field trip was completely ruined by _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What's my secret power?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What's there a ton of in heaven?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "I never truly understood _$ until I encountered _$.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What helps Obama unwind?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "_$: good to the last drop.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Why am I sticky?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What gets better with age?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "_$: kid-tested, mother-approved.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Daddy, why is mommy crying?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "A recent laboratory study shows that undergraduates have 50% less sex after being exposed to _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Life for American Indians was forever changed when White Man introduced them to _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Make a haiku.",
      "draw": 2,
      "pick": 3
    },
    {
      "text": "I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Why do I hurt all over?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What am I giving up for Lent?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What's George W. Bush thinking about right now?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has just opened an interactive exhibit on _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Lifetime® presents \"_$, the Story of _$.\"",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate _$.",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "When I was tripping on acid, _$ turned into _$.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "That's right, I killed _$. How, you ask? _$.",
      "pick": 2
    },
    {
      "text": "What's my anti-drug?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "_$ + _$ = _$.",
      "draw": 2,
      "pick": 3
    },
    {
      "text": "What never fails to liven up the party?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "What's the new fad diet?",
      "pick": 1
    },
    {
      "text": "Fun tip! When your man asks you to go down on him, try surprising him with _$ instead.",
      "pick": 1
    }
  ],
  "responses": [
    {
      "text": "Being on fire."
    },
    {
      "text": "Racism."
    },
    {
      "text": "Old-people smell."
    },
    {
      "text": "A micropenis."
    },
    {
      "text": "Women in yogurt commercials."
    },
    {
      "text": "Classist undertones."
    },
    {
      "text": "Not giving a shit about the Third World."
    },
    {
      "text": "Inserting a mason jar into my anus."
    },
    {
      "text": "Court ordered rehab."
    },
    {
      "text": "A windmill full of corpses."
    },
    {
      "text": "The gays."
    },
    {
      "text": "An oversized lollipop."
    },
    {
      "text": "African children."
    },
    {
      "text": "An asymmetric boob job."
    },
    {
      "text": "Binging and purging."
    },
    {
      "text": "The hardworking Mexican."
    },
    {
      "text": "An Oedipus complex."
    },
    {
      "text": "A tiny horse."
    },
    {
      "text": "Boogers."
    },
    {
      "text": "Penis envy."
    },
    {
      "text": "Barack Obama."
    },
    {
      "text": "My humps."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Tempur-Pedic® Swedush Sleep System™."
    },
    {
      "text": "Scientology."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dry heaving."
    },
    {
      "text": "Skeletor."
    },
    {
      "text": "Darth Vader."
    },
    {
      "text": "Figgy pudding."
    },
    {
      "text": "Advice from a wise, old black man."
    },
    {
      "text": "Five-Dollar Footlongs™."
    },
    {
      "text": "Elderly Japanese men."
    },
    {
      "text": "Free samples."
    },
    {
      "text": "Estrogen."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sexual tension."
    },
    {
      "text": "Famine."
    },
    {
      "text": "A stray pube."
    },
    {
      "text": "Men."
    },
    {
      "text": "Heartwarming orphans."
    },
    {
      "text": "Chunks of dead hitchhiker."
    },
    {
      "text": "A bag of magic beans."
    },
    {
      "text": "Repression."
    },
    {
      "text": "Prancing."
    },
    {
      "text": "My relationship status."
    },
    {
      "text": "Overcompensation."
    },
    {
      "text": "Peeing a little bit."
    },
    {
      "text": "Pooping back and forth.\nForever."
    },
    {
      "text": "A ball of earwax, semen, and toenail clippings."
    },
    {
      "text": "Testicular torsion."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Devil himself."
    },
    {
      "text": "The World of Warcraft."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dick Cheney."
    },
    {
      "text": "MechaHitler."
    },
    {
      "text": "Being fabulous."
    },
    {
      "text": "Pictures of boobs."
    },
    {
      "text": "A gentle caress of the inner thigh."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Amish."
    },
    {
      "text": "The rhythms of Africa."
    },
    {
      "text": "Lance Armstrong's missing testicle."
    },
    {
      "text": "Pedophiles."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Pope."
    },
    {
      "text": "Flying sex snakes."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sarah Palin."
    },
    {
      "text": "Feeding Rosie O'Donnell."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sexy pillow fights."
    },
    {
      "text": "Invading Poland."
    },
    {
      "text": "Cybernetic enhancements."
    },
    {
      "text": "Civilian casualties."
    },
    {
      "text": "Jobs."
    },
    {
      "text": "The female orgasm."
    },
    {
      "text": "Bitches."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Boy Scouts of America."
    },
    {
      "text": "Auschwitz."
    },
    {
      "text": "Finger painting."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Care Bear Stare."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Jews."
    },
    {
      "text": "Being marginalized."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Blood of Christ."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dead parents."
    },
    {
      "text": "The art of seduction."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dying of dysentery."
    },
    {
      "text": "Mr. Clean, right behind you."
    },
    {
      "text": "Magnets."
    },
    {
      "text": "Jewish fraternities."
    },
    {
      "text": "Hot Pockets®."
    },
    {
      "text": "Natalie Portman."
    },
    {
      "text": "Agriculture."
    },
    {
      "text": "Judge Judy."
    },
    {
      "text": "Surprise sex!"
    },
    {
      "text": "The homosexual agenda."
    },
    {
      "text": "Robert Downey, Jr."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Trail of Tears."
    },
    {
      "text": "An M. Night Shyamalan plot twist."
    },
    {
      "text": "Funky fresh rhymes."
    },
    {
      "text": "The light of a billion suns."
    },
    {
      "text": "Amputees."
    },
    {
      "text": "Throwing a virgin into a volcano."
    },
    {
      "text": "Italians."
    },
    {
      "text": "Explosions."
    },
    {
      "text": "A good sniff."
    },
    {
      "text": "Destroying the evidence."
    },
    {
      "text": "Children on leashes."
    },
    {
      "text": "Catapults."
    },
    {
      "text": "One trillion dollars."
    },
    {
      "text": "Friends with benefits."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dying."
    },
    {
      "text": "Silence."
    },
    {
      "text": "Growing a pair."
    },
    {
      "text": "YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PLYONS."
    },
    {
      "text": "Justin Bieber."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Holy Bible."
    },
    {
      "text": "Balls."
    },
    {
      "text": "Praying the gay away."
    },
    {
      "text": "Teenage pregnancy."
    },
    {
      "text": "German dungeon porn."
    },
    {
      "text": "The invisible hand."
    },
    {
      "text": "My inner demons."
    },
    {
      "text": "Powerful thighs."
    },
    {
      "text": "Getting naked and watching Nickelodeon."
    },
    {
      "text": "Crippling debt."
    },
    {
      "text": "Kamikaze pilots."
    },
    {
      "text": "Teaching a robot to love."
    },
    {
      "text": "Police brutality."
    },
    {
      "text": "Horse meat."
    },
    {
      "text": "All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99."
    },
    {
      "text": "Heteronormativity."
    },
    {
      "text": "Michael Jackson."
    },
    {
      "text": "A really cool hat."
    },
    {
      "text": "Copping a feel."
    },
    {
      "text": "Crystal meth."
    },
    {
      "text": "Shapeshifters."
    },
    {
      "text": "Fingering."
    },
    {
      "text": "A disappointing birthday party."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Patriarchy."
    },
    {
      "text": "My soul."
    },
    {
      "text": "A sausage festival."
    },
    {
      "text": "The chronic."
    },
    {
      "text": "Eugenics."
    },
    {
      "text": "Synergistic management solutions."
    },
    {
      "text": "RoboCop."
    },
    {
      "text": "Serfdom."
    },
    {
      "text": "Stephen Hawking talking dirty."
    },
    {
      "text": "A man on the brink of orgasm."
    },
    {
      "text": "Fiery poops."
    },
    {
      "text": "Public ridicule."
    },
    {
      "text": "White-man scalps."
    },
    {
      "text": "The morbidly obese."
    },
    {
      "text": "Object permanence."
    },
    {
      "text": "GoGurt®."
    },
    {
      "text": "Lockjaw."
    },
    {
      "text": "Joe Biden."
    },
    {
      "text": "Bio-engineered assault turtles with acid breath."
    },
    {
      "text": "Wet dreams."
    },
    {
      "text": "Hip hop jewels."
    },
    {
      "text": "Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog."
    },
    {
      "text": "Panda sex."
    },
    {
      "text": "Necrophilia."
    },
    {
      "text": "Grave robbing."
    },
    {
      "text": "A bleached asshole."
    },
    {
      "text": "Muhammad (Praise Be Unto Him)."
    },
    {
      "text": "Multiple stab wounds."
    },
    {
      "text": "Daniel Radcliffe's delicious asshole."
    },
    {
      "text": "A monkey smoking a cigar."
    },
    {
      "text": "Smegma."
    },
    {
      "text": "A live studio audience."
    },
    {
      "text": "Making a pouty face."
    },
    {
      "text": "The violation of our most basic human rights."
    },
    {
      "text": "Unfathomable stupidity."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sunshine and rainbows."
    },
    {
      "text": "Whipping it out."
    },
    {
      "text": "The token minority."
    },
    {
      "text": "The terrorists."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Three-Fifths compromise."
    },
    {
      "text": "A snapping turtle biting the tip of your penis."
    },
    {
      "text": "Vehicular manslaughter."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Great Depression."
    },
    {
      "text": "Emotions."
    },
    {
      "text": "Getting so angry that you pop a boner."
    },
    {
      "text": "Same-sex ice dancing."
    },
    {
      "text": "An M16 assault rifle."
    },
    {
      "text": "Man meat."
    },
    {
      "text": "Incest."
    },
    {
      "text": "A foul mouth."
    },
    {
      "text": "Flightless birds."
    },
    {
      "text": "Doing the right thing."
    },
    {
      "text": "When you fart and a little bit comes out."
    },
    {
      "text": "Frolicking."
    },
    {
      "text": "Being a dick to children."
    },
    {
      "text": "Poopy diapers."
    },
    {
      "text": "Seeing grandma naked."
    },
    {
      "text": "Raptor attacks."
    },
    {
      "text": "Swooping."
    },
    {
      "text": "Concealing a boner."
    },
    {
      "text": "Full frontal nudity."
    },
    {
      "text": "Vigorous jazz hands."
    },
    {
      "text": "Nipple blades."
    },
    {
      "text": "A bitch slap."
    },
    {
      "text": "Michelle Obama's arms."
    },
    {
      "text": "Mouth herpes."
    },
    {
      "text": "A robust mongoloid."
    },
    {
      "text": "Mutually-assured destruction."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Rapture."
    },
    {
      "text": "Road head."
    },
    {
      "text": "Stalin."
    },
    {
      "text": "Lactation."
    },
    {
      "text": "Hurricane Katrina."
    },
    {
      "text": "The true meaning of Christmas."
    },
    {
      "text": "Self-loathing."
    },
    {
      "text": "A brain tumour."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dead babies."
    },
    {
      "text": "New Age music."
    },
    {
      "text": "A thermonuclear detonation."
    },
    {
      "text": "Geese."
    },
    {
      "text": "Kanye West."
    },
    {
      "text": "God."
    },
    {
      "text": "A spastic nerd."
    },
    {
      "text": "Harry Potter erotica."
    },
    {
      "text": "Kids with ass cancer."
    },
    {
      "text": "Lumberjack fantasies."
    },
    {
      "text": "The American Dream."
    },
    {
      "text": "Puberty."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sweet, sweet vengeance."
    },
    {
      "text": "Winking at old people."
    },
    {
      "text": "The wonders of the Orient."
    },
    {
      "text": "Oompa-Loompas."
    },
    {
      "text": "Authentic Mexican cuisine."
    },
    {
      "text": "Preteens."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Little Engine That Could."
    },
    {
      "text": "A Fleshlight."
    },
    {
      "text": "Erectile dysfunction."
    },
    {
      "text": "Having anuses for eyes."
    },
    {
      "text": "Rush Limbaugh's soft, shitty body."
    },
    {
      "text": "Saxophone solos."
    },
    {
      "text": "Land mines."
    },
    {
      "text": "Running out of semen."
    },
    {
      "text": "Me time."
    },
    {
      "text": "Nickelback."
    },
    {
      "text": "Vigilante justice."
    },
    {
      "text": "The South."
    },
    {
      "text": "Opposable thumbs."
    },
    {
      "text": "Ghosts."
    },
    {
      "text": "Alcoholism."
    },
    {
      "text": "Poorly-timed Holocaust jokes."
    },
    {
      "text": "Inappropriate yodeling."
    },
    {
      "text": "Battlefield amputations."
    },
    {
      "text": "Exactly what you'd expect."
    },
    {
      "text": "A time travel paradox."
    },
    {
      "text": "AXE Body Spray."
    },
    {
      "text": "The pirate's life."
    },
    {
      "text": "Saying \"I love you.\""
    },
    {
      "text": "A sassy black woman."
    },
    {
      "text": "Being a motherfucking sorcerer."
    },
    {
      "text": "A mopey zoo lion."
    },
    {
      "text": "A murder most foul."
    },
    {
      "text": "A falcon with a cap on its head."
    },
    {
      "text": "Farting and walking away."
    },
    {
      "text": "A mating display."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Chinese gymnastics team."
    },
    {
      "text": "Friction."
    },
    {
      "text": "Asians who aren't good at math."
    },
    {
      "text": "Fear itself."
    },
    {
      "text": "A can of whoop-ass."
    },
    {
      "text": "Yeast."
    },
    {
      "text": "Lunchables™."
    },
    {
      "text": "Licking things to claim them as your own."
    },
    {
      "text": "Vikings."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Kool-Aid Man."
    },
    {
      "text": "Hot cheese."
    },
    {
      "text": "Nicolas Cage."
    },
    {
      "text": "A defective condom."
    },
    {
      "text": "The inevitable heat death of the universe."
    },
    {
      "text": "Republicans."
    },
    {
      "text": "William Shatner."
    },
    {
      "text": "Tentacle porn."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sperm whales."
    },
    {
      "text": "Lady Gaga."
    },
    {
      "text": "The wrath of Vladimir Putin."
    },
    {
      "text": "Gloryholes."
    },
    {
      "text": "Daddy issues."
    },
    {
      "text": "A mime having a stroke."
    },
    {
      "text": "White people."
    },
    {
      "text": "A lifetime of sadness."
    },
    {
      "text": "Tasteful sideboob."
    },
    {
      "text": "A sea of troubles."
    },
    {
      "text": "Nazis."
    },
    {
      "text": "A cooler full of organs."
    },
    {
      "text": "Giving 110%."
    },
    {
      "text": "Doin' it in the butt."
    },
    {
      "text": "John Wilkes Booth."
    },
    {
      "text": "Holding down a child and farting all over him."
    },
    {
      "text": "A homoerotic volleyball montage."
    },
    {
      "text": "Puppies!"
    },
    {
      "text": "Natural male enhancement."
    },
    {
      "text": "Brown people."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dropping a chandelier on your enemies and riding the rope up."
    },
    {
      "text": "Soup that is too hot."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sex with Patrick Stewart."
    },
    {
      "text": "Hormone injections."
    },
    {
      "text": "Pulling out."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Big Bang."
    },
    {
      "text": "Switching to Geico®."
    },
    {
      "text": "Giving birth to the Antichrist."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dark and mysterious forces beyond our control."
    },
    {
      "text": "Christopher Walken."
    },
    {
      "text": "Count Chocula."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Hamburglar."
    },
    {
      "text": "Not reciprocating oral sex."
    },
    {
      "text": "Aaron Burr."
    },
    {
      "text": "Hot people."
    },
    {
      "text": "Foreskin."
    },
    {
      "text": "Assless chaps."
    },
    {
      "text": "The miracle of childbirth."
    },
    {
      "text": "Waiting 'til marriage."
    },
    {
      "text": "Two midgets shitting in a bucket."
    },
    {
      "text": "Adderall™."
    },
    {
      "text": "A sad handjob."
    },
    {
      "text": "Cheating in the Special  Olympics."
    },
    {
      "text": "The glass ceiling."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Hustle."
    },
    {
      "text": "Miley Cyrus at 55."
    },
    {
      "text": "Our first chimpanzee president."
    },
    {
      "text": "Breaking out into song and dance."
    },
    {
      "text": "A Super Soaker™ full of cat pee."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Underground Railroad."
    },
    {
      "text": "Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine®."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr."
    },
    {
      "text": "Extremely tight pants."
    },
    {
      "text": "Third base."
    },
    {
      "text": "Waking up half-naked in a Denny's parking lot."
    },
    {
      "text": "The cool refreshing taste of Pepsi®."
    },
    {
      "text": "White privilege."
    },
    {
      "text": "Hope."
    },
    {
      "text": "Taking off your shirt."
    },
    {
      "text": "Smallpox blankets."
    },
    {
      "text": "Ethnic cleansing."
    },
    {
      "text": "Queefing."
    },
    {
      "text": "Helplessly giggling at the mention of Hutus and Tutsis."
    },
    {
      "text": "Getting really high."
    },
    {
      "text": "Natural selection."
    },
    {
      "text": "A gassy antelope."
    },
    {
      "text": "My sex life."
    },
    {
      "text": "Arnold Schwarzenegger."
    },
    {
      "text": "Pretending to care."
    },
    {
      "text": "Ronald Reagan."
    },
    {
      "text": "Toni Morrison's vagina."
    },
    {
      "text": "An ugly face."
    },
    {
      "text": "My black ass."
    },
    {
      "text": "BATMAN!!!"
    },
    {
      "text": "Homeless people."
    },
    {
      "text": "Racially-biased SAT questions."
    },
    {
      "text": "Centaurs."
    },
    {
      "text": "A salty surprise."
    },
    {
      "text": "72 virgins."
    },
    {
      "text": "Embryonic stem cells."
    },
    {
      "text": "Pixelated bukkake."
    },
    {
      "text": "Seppuku."
    },
    {
      "text": "An icepick lobotomy."
    },
    {
      "text": "Genuine human connection."
    },
    {
      "text": "Menstrual rage."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sexual peeing."
    },
    {
      "text": "An endless stream of diarrhea."
    },
    {
      "text": "Shaquille O'Neal's acting career."
    },
    {
      "text": "Horrifying laser hair removal accidents."
    },
    {
      "text": "Autocannibalism."
    },
    {
      "text": "A fetus."
    },
    {
      "text": "Riding off into the sunset."
    },
    {
      "text": "Goblins."
    },
    {
      "text": "Eating the last known bison."
    },
    {
      "text": "Shiny objects."
    },
    {
      "text": "Being rich."
    },
    {
      "text": "A Bop It™."
    },
    {
      "text": "Leprosy."
    },
    {
      "text": "World peace."
    },
    {
      "text": "Dick fingers."
    },
    {
      "text": "Chainsaws for hands."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Make-A-Wish® Foundation."
    },
    {
      "text": "Penis breath."
    },
    {
      "text": "Laying an egg."
    },
    {
      "text": "The folly of man."
    },
    {
      "text": "My genitals."
    },
    {
      "text": "Grandma."
    },
    {
      "text": "Flesh-eating bacteria."
    },
    {
      "text": "Poor people."
    },
    {
      "text": "50,000 volts straight to the nipples."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Übermensch."
    },
    {
      "text": "Poor life choices."
    },
    {
      "text": "Altar boys."
    },
    {
      "text": "My vagina."
    },
    {
      "text": "Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sniffing glue."
    },
    {
      "text": "The placenta."
    },
    {
      "text": "The profoundly handicapped."
    },
    {
      "text": "Spontaneous human combustion."
    },
    {
      "text": "The KKK."
    },
    {
      "text": "The clitoris."
    },
    {
      "text": "Not wearing pants."
    },
    {
      "text": "Consensual sex."
    },
    {
      "text": "Black people."
    },
    {
      "text": "A bucket of fish heads."
    },
    {
      "text": "Hospice care."
    },
    {
      "text": "Passive-aggressive Post-it notes."
    },
    {
      "text": "Fancy Feast®."
    },
    {
      "text": "The heart of a child."
    },
    {
      "text": "Crumbs all over the god damn carpet."
    },
    {
      "text": "Your weird brother."
    },
    {
      "text": "Being fat and stupid."
    },
    {
      "text": "Getting married, having a few kids, buying some stuff, retiring in Florida, and dying."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sean Penn."
    },
    {
      "text": "Sean Connery."
    },
    {
      "text": "Expecting a burp and vomiting on the floor."
    },
    {
      "text": "Wifely duties."
    },
    {
      "text": "A pyramid of severed heads."
    },
    {
      "text": "Genghis Khan."
    },
    {
      "text": "Historically black colleges."
    },
    {
      "text": "Crucifixion."
    },
    {
      "text": "A subscription to Men's Fitness."
    },
    {
      "text": "The milk man."
    },
    {
      "text": "Friendly fire."
    },
    {
      "text": "Women's suffrage."
    },
    {
      "text": "AIDS."
    },
    {
      "text": "Former President George W. Bush."
    },
    {
      "text": "8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin."
    },
    {
      "text": "Half-assed foreplay."
    },
    {
      "text": "Edible underpants."
    },
    {
      "text": "My collection of high-tech sex toys."
    },
    {
      "text": "The Force."
    },
    {
      "text": "Bees?"
    },
    {
      "text": "Some god-damn peace and quiet."
    },
    {
      "text": "Jerking off into a pool of children's tears."
    },
    {
      "text": "A micropig wearing a tiny raincoat and booties."
    },
    {
      "text": "Three dicks at the same time."
    },
    {
      "text": "Masturbation."
    },
    {
      "text": "Tom Cruise."
    },
    {
      "text": "A balanced breakfast."
    },
    {
      "text": "Anal beads."
    },
    {
      "text": "Drinking alone."
    },
    {
      "text": "Cards Against Humanity."
    },
    {
      "text": "Coat hanger abortions."
    },
    {
      "text": "Used panties."
    },
    {
      "text": "Cuddling."
    },
    {
      "text": "Wiping her butt."
    },
    {
      "text": "Domino's™ Oreo™ Dessert Pizza."
    },
    {
      "text": "A zesty breakfast burrito."
    },
    {
      "text": "Morgan Freeman's voice."
    },
    {
      "text": "A middle-aged man on roller skates."
    },
    {
      "text": "Gandhi."
    },
    {
      "text": "The penny whistle from \"My Heart Will Go On.\""
    },
    {
      "text": "Spectacular abs."
    },
    {
      "text": "Keanu Reeves."
    },
    {
      "text": "Child beauty pageants."
    },
    {
      "text": "Child abuse."
    },
    {
      "text": "Bill Nye the Science Guy."
    },
    {
      "text": "Science."
    },
    {
      "text": "A tribe of warrior women."
    },
    {
      "text": "Viagra®."
    },
    {
      "text": "Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II."
    },
    {
      "text": "The entire Mormon Tabernacle Choir."
    },
    {
      "text": "The year's mass shooting."
    },
    {
      "text": "Take-backsies."
    },
    {
      "text": "An erection that lasts longer than four hours."
    }
  ]
}