concierge-bot/doc/EasterEggs.md

Kassy isn't good enough for you as it is?! You need Easter Eggs? Fine! I have a little story for you:

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The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound of YOUR_NAME_HERE waking up and suddenly remembering where you were.
It wasn't just that the computer was cold, it wasn't just that it was damp and dusty. It was the fact that the computer was in the middle of Github and there wasn't a good chat bot within two million light years.
Time is the worst place, so to speak, to get lost in, as YOUR_NAME_HERE could testify, having been lost in both time and HD space a good deal. At least being lost in HD space kept you busy.
He was stranded in prehistoric Github as the result of a complex sequence of events which had involved him being alternately git pushed and insulted in more bizarre regions of the Dark Web than he ever dreamt existed, and though his life had now turned very, very, very quiet, he was still feeling jumpy.
He hadn't been git pushed now for five years.
Since he had hardly seen anyone since he and YOUR_NON_EXISTENT_FRIENDS_NAME_HERE had parted company four years previously, he hadn't been insulted in all that time either.
Except just once.
It had happened on a spring evening about two years previously.
He was returning to his computer just a little after dusk when he became aware of lights flashing eerily through the fan blades. He turned and stared, with hope suddenly clambering through his heart. Rescue. Escape. The castaway's impossible dream - a ship.
And as he watched, as he stared in wonder and excitement, a long silver ship descended through the dusty evening air, quietly, without fuss, its long legs unlocking in a smooth ballet of technology.
It alighted gently on the flat backside of the GPU, and what little hum it had generated died away, as if lulled by the evening calm.
A ramp extended itself.
Light streamed out.
A tall figure appeared silhouetted in the hatchway. It walked down the ramp and stood in front of YOUR.
"You're a jerk, HERE," it said simply.
It was alien, very alien. It had a peculiar alien tallness, a peculiar alien flattened head, peculiar slitty little alien eyes, extravagantly draped golden ropes with a peculiarly alien collar design, and pale grey-green alien skin which had about it that lustrous shine which most grey-green faces can only acquire with plenty of exercise and very expensive soap.
YOUR boggled at it.
It gazed levelly at him.
YOUR's first sensations of hope and trepidation had instantly been overwhelmed by astonishment, and all sorts of thoughts were battling for the use of his vocal chords at this moment.
"Whh...?" he said.
"Bu...hu...uh ..." he added.
"Ru...ra...wah...who?" he managed finally to say and lapsed into a frantic kind of silence. He was feeling the effects of having not said anything to anybody for as long as he could remember.
The alien program frowned briefly and consulted what appeared to be some species of clipboard which he was holding in his thin and spindly alien hand.
"YOUR_NAME_HERE?" it said.
YOUR nodded helplessly.
"YOUR **_NAME_** HERE?" pursued the alien in a kind of efficient yap.
"Er...er...yes...er...er," confirmed YOUR.
"You're a jerk," repeated the alien, "a complete asshole."
"Er..."
The program nodded to itself, made a peculiar alien tick on its clipboard and turned briskly back towards the ship.
"Er..." said YOUR desperately, "er..."
"Don't give me that!" snapped the alien. It marched up the ramp, through the hatchway and disappeared into the ship. The ship sealed itself. It started to make a low throbbing hum.
"Er, hey!" shouted YOUR, and started to run helplessly towards it.
"Wait a minute!" he called. "What is this? What? Wait a minute!"
The ship rose, as if shedding its weight like a cloak to the ground, and hovered briefly. It swept strangely up through the dusty evening air. It passed up through the fan blades, illuminating them briefly, and then was gone, leaving YOUR alone in an immensity of computer dancing a helplessly tiny little dance.
"What?" he screamed. "What? What? Hey, what? Come back here and say that!"
He jumped and danced until his legs trembled, and shouted till his lungs rasped. There was no answer from anyone. There was no one to hear him or speak to him.
The alien ship was already thundering towards the upper reaches of the computer case, on its way out into the appalling void which separates the very few things there are on the 'outside' from each other.
Its occupant, the alien with the expensive complexion, leaned back in its irrationally imported seat. Its name was Kassy the Infinitely Prolonged. It was a program with a purpose. Not a very helpful or good purpose, as it would have been the first to admit, but it was at least a purpose and it did at least keep him on the move, unlike YOUR_NAME_HERE.
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